surprise

a few weeks ago, she surprised me. it had been one of those days when nothing had gone particularly wrong, but it didn’t seem like much had gone right either. we collapsed into bed, unable to do anymore “mom-ing” for the night, and she pulled out her computer.

it always feels a little surreal, seeing pictures of my mom as a little girl or a teenager, a new mother with a tiny baby me in her arms. there aren’t many pictures of her; these were old slides that i inherited when ma went on one of her purging adventures. i always meant to do something with them, but then life happened and they ended up on a bookshelf, mostly forgotten.

it’s been so long that sometimes i forget she was ever actually here, which feels awful to admit. the older i get, the more distant the memories become.

but this is proof that she was here. and she was happy. and brave.

and she loved her baby girl.

gosh. she would have loved her granddaughters. these pictures of her in a dragon shirt are so similar to leslie in all the ways – their face is the same, their hands, their hair, their apparent love of dragons and bad jeans.